“Each of us must have a mountain [to climb], even if some might look on it as little more than a hill.”

-George Sheehan.

I cannot boast of great or even “respectable” timings that my compatriots clinch. Innumerable have been the times when I have found myself alone by the very first few kms of a race and desperately lonely in the last stretches when I seriously wondered why I was plodding along with my tortoise pace. Each time I came back defeated, my Coach, Zico (Daniel Vaz) was always there waiting to piece together my shattered confidence. I must attribute my first steps into the realm of a Full M to the faith of my Coach in me. His belief was the air beneath my wings.

Roshni and I registered for the Auroville FM as soon as the registration opened and booked our travel and stay and decided to keep it a sacred secret. We were mighty excited and started training in full earnest from December 2009 wherein we pitched in increasing mileages. It was a tough call for Daniel to train us simultaneously for the SCMM 2010 HM as well as the Auro FM. Kudos to him. I am proud of him as a gutsy runner and a super Coach. As I went on from 21 K to 34 K in 2 months, I knew I was running more from my mind than my legs. I could feel the fatigue building in day by day and managing my priorities as a career woman and a Mother was becoming increasingly challenging. My body was not ready but my Mind was. I had committed and there was no going back. As the D Day approached, never once did I feel scared. I felt I was embarking on a sacred journey, a journey I knew I would never return from, a journey I knew that would change me forever. Zico had given me a time target which was very safe and conservative. My goal was to finish the race come what may, No DNF.

We reached Auroville on Saturday, collected our bib, and had a pasta dinner. The most exhilarating moments were meeting the Running greats: Ashok Nath, Bhasker Sharma, Dr. Oak, Neera Atwal, Amrita Mitra, Arvind and making new friends. We were staying in a dorm which left us a bit disheartened but the spirit of the race next day wiped off these inconveniences. I had hydrated and carbo loaded well. But there was residual tiredness as I had lot of running around to meet my worldly responsibilities: -).

Come February 14, Race Day: 5 am. The Race opened in pitch darkness after “All the Bests” and “See you at the Finish”. Nothing could prepare me for the race inspite of being told that we would be running in pitch darkness with torch lights. It was an awesome and terrifying beginning. Predictably, I was the last one to run on the tarmac with a torch whose dim light was barely enough to decipher the white arrows and “lakshman rekhas” marked on the ground. The night suddenly seemed to engulf you and I cursed myself for being such a slow runner. I could see Roshni running in the distance but each one was to oneself from then on. We soon entered the forest and I started tripping and stumbling through the darkness. I slowed down to a brisk walk (no point in spraining an ankle) till after around 45 minutes when dawn broke the eerie darkness. I then started running an easy pace of 9:42 / km which was the strategy so that I could last the distance.

Wow! What a breath taking moment. Running through a forest with sunlight streaming through the branches! I soon found my groove and started enjoying each and every moment thereon. I found myself softly pounding the reddish brown dirt track with the crackle of dry leaves and twigs under my feet and the beckoning caress of branches as I shrugged past through sometimes narrow and sometimes broad paths. I had the entire forest to myself and was soon drowned in the magic of the mellifluous birds, the whispering breeze and the fragrant smell of the nilgiris. I went into a reverie and found myself in communion with Nature. I am sure I came closest to experiencing God that day. Soon the Half Marathoners caught up with me and I came back to the race again.

The Full M is a 2 loop stretch. As I neared the end of the first loop, many runners and runner friends whizzed past me blowing good luck and encouragement. My mind was also preoccupied when I suddenly found myself tripping and hurtling down full body on the dirt track. Ouch! It hurt but I was soon on my way. The aid stations were at 4 km intervals ready with smiling volunteers offering electral, water, biscuits, lime, lemons and bananas. I drank a glass of water, filled my bottle with electral and doused my head and back with water at each aid station. The sun was up and warm and the air was humid as I completed the first loop and started on the second. I was 10 minutes beyond my scheduled time and I attribute it to the time I lost brisk walking in the dark. I entered the jungle again and found the only full marathoner walking. As I edged closer to her, we got talking and I realized she was unwell. The forest was suddenly lonely. The smiling volunteers had already left the aid stations with drinking water kept open and some tid bits and bananas. Something told me not to leave her alone. I told her we would run together but soon found she couldn’t run. By now, I was in a dilemma because I did not want to leave her alone and I also knew should I start walking, I would be inviting doom upon myself. I decided to keep her in my vision and broke into a trot. Something told me to look back and wait for her. She said she needed water but was not ready to have my electral. Luckily we found a house where I got her a bottle. Soon we saw some traffic and she told me to go ahead. I had reached 30K, now 15 minutes later and decided to follow the walk run schedule. I managed it upto 34 K when I found my legs seize up. I was near tears now and forced my mind to lift my legs. I had to reach the finish line in a respectable state. I had promised my Coach I would reach the finish line – running, walking or crawling but Finish I must.

The last 8 K of my Full M was a walk run and then a painful and humiliating walk I will never forget in my life. I was very surprised to encounter this new feeling of “ego and pride”. I knew I had a terrible time completing my 34 K in training 2 weeks before. And I had prepared my race well in my mind about what I would do if things went bad. I had drilled into my psyche: Trot but not walk. I was feeling deeply ashamed as volunteers suddenly appeared at 36 km and kept tracking us till we reached the finish line. My target was 6:50 and I finished in 7:34:50. I managed to smile gallantly as I saw Zico, Roshni, Zico’ friend Manu, his son Ronnie along with Chandresh Patel and a few others waiting for me at the finish line. But deep down, I was crying in shame to be such a slow poke and making people wait for me. I will forever be indebted to all those who were waiting for us to finish.

As I finished the race, I promised myself, the race was not yet over for me. I had to come back again to finish stronger, to finish in grace, to finish as a winner. It is alright to “Just finish” a race but it is different to finish it strongly. I go back to my training with these lines ringing in my ears:

“I’d rather run a gutsy race, pushing all the way to lose, than run a conservative race only for a win”.

-Alberto Salazar.

Lastly, I want to make a promise to my Coach: I will come back stronger to finish my Full M running all the way to a glorious finish. I owe it to him for his faith, belief in me and for always standing by me. I would only say this for Zico. As he ran his own race under tremendous pressure and indomitable will power and mind power, he taught me to give the very best one has, always-

The ability to make a man go beyond the point at which he thinks he is going to die.

-Franz Stampfl on what coaches need